How to create the mood for intimacy – In my coaching capacity, I would have seen thousands of clients and plenty of couples have come to me with the same issue – “how can women get themselves in the mood ?” or “how can I get her in the mood?” or “how can I get in the mood?”


“If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, the man who speaks Venutian is King!” “Bette Midler in What Women Want”
Just some of my Tips – Learning to speak Venutian in 4 easy steps..

1. First you must realise that while it takes you 30 seconds, women can take up to 30 mins to reach that level of arousal where the ensuing sex becomes the mind blowing experience you seek. You may therefore need to plan your approach by creating the ambiance; the setting, the lighting, the music. All sound too hard? Well it doesn’t need to be – I am not suggesting a cold calculated approach – there must still be room for spontaneity but a little forethought will reap the rewards you seek.

2. You need to make it easy for her to want to have sex. Remember it’s in your interests to do so! So help out with chores and the family it will free her mind up to not stress and be more in the mood. Do things for her to make her feel special. Show her that you appreciate her – compliment her, but be genuine – she can smell bullshit like everyone else; buy her flowers or take her away for the night for no particular reason (c’mon guy you can do it!). Take time away from work and for each other, your important other.

3. Women crave intimacy (no guys that not just another word for sex) but they want it in a different way than most men think. Be attentive – those little touches, smiles and hugs are all little ways to acknowledge that she is special. Remember you are creating that reason for her to want to have sex with you.

4. Importantly ensure you take your time at the foreplay stage. The first 20 to 30 minutes should be about intimacy – don’t rush to “slip it in” but try to keep focused more on touching, caressing and kissing to give her time to move from cool to smoldering. Remember you each “cook” at different speeds! Change things up a little try to rediscover her whole body again…grab the oil and start to slowly caress, rub and touch her whole body… touching her warm ladies bits last. Warming her up slowly and no doubt she will invite you in.


Ok ladies now it’s your turn …

Ladies a good sex life is essential for your health and wellbeing – it is as basic and as important as
That… a proven fact. So make the time and by that I don’t mean schedule it in your diary but ensure you recognize sex as a priority. So here are some simple tips to help you get in the mood:

1. Exercise – hit the gym, go for a walk or take a yoga class. You might also see some bodies that get you a little bit excited – an added bonus! Staying in shape makes you feel desirable and as I am sure you have experienced, sets up a flow of energy that helps you sail through your day. It is hard to feel motivated and sexy when you have been dormant but get busy and the energy flow will go straight to your hot spots!

2. Experiment – talk about your sexual fantasies and desires with your partner. Keep it exciting and keep it interesting so that each session becomes a new adventure. Read an erotic novel or tell each other your fantasies or a role play you would like to do together for extra stimulation.

3. Touch yourself. Knowing what you like so you can express what you like is important. Show your partner what you like by touching yourself and no doubt before long he will join in. Try mutual masturbation or put on a show! Make your own movie – the possibilities are endless.

intimacy for couplesBoth of you…

Pay attention to setting the scene. Dare I say be romantic! Consider creating the mood:

· A glass of wine (not a slab of beer);

· A massage;

· Lighting – soft and low, candles are great;

· Music (remember AC/DC is not right for every occasion);

· Dress sexy (both of you!);

· Aromas; wear your best perfume.

So plan your strategy, set the scene, take your time and take turns in reconnecting and even rediscovering each other again.

Of course there are MANY other ways however if you would like to find out more or get some hands on coaching, Id love to hear from you 🙂