MEN: Put Away the Microwave and Get Out the Slow Cooker
It is perhaps a reflection of the fast paced, instant gratification times in which we live that research has shown the “wham bam thank you ma’am” hard and fast, microwave approach to sex to be the overwhelmingly dominant preference for the majority of the population.
Now, far be it from me to discourage the quickie. I enjoy a quickie as much as the next person. I also enjoy apples but I don’t want to eat an apple for every meal.
Men I suggest you explore and develop a new skill set. SLOW SEX!
Ever noticed how a slow-cooked meal tastes so good and provides a delicious alternative to crisp and crunchy. It is great to enjoy a tender, juicy treat full of flavour and spice. The same is true of slow sex.
I can hear you protesting now – “I don’t always go hard and fast, I vary the pace and do slow down at times …”.
That is not what I am encouraging you to explore. I want you to explore making the entire session slow. If you can manage it, you are in for a whole new level of sexual pleasure for you and your partner. It will spice up your sex life and add a whole new dimension.
So why is slow sex so good?
The primary reason slow sex is the best sex is that it is a much more intense experience and provided you pause to savour the moment, you will experience the pleasure right throughout your whole body and not just in your genitals. It allows you to be more present and to stop worrying about the outcome. It creates greater intimacy and is more fulfilling for both of you.
Slow sex, almost by definition, lasts longer. By slowing down, you guys will last longer than during a quickie and as a result, there is a much better chance that the woman will also climax. As we all know, most women take longer than men to reach orgasm so both of you will be more fulfilled. Slow sex is a much more intimate experience and intimacy is often the key for female orgasm (and guess what, if she’s enjoying it more she will most likely want it more!). With slow sex there is no rush for the finishing line, allowing your focus more to be on giving and receiving pleasure. No pressure to perform allows you both to enjoy in the moment and enjoy the journey not the destination.
As noted previously, the release is much more intense when you experience sexual pleasure over a longer period of time. That of itself must be a huge motivator to slow down!
Convinced? Ok let’s look at some ways how to make it work!
I know I keep banging on about this (could that be because it is so important – I wonder!) but setting the mood is critical. It may seem obvious but you will need more time so pick your moment. Get rid of all distractions, TV, phones, kids etc. Some time out for just you and your partner.
A little romance never goes astray guys so manage the mood – slow music (save AC/DC for the quickies); soft lighting; aromas – scented candles are a good option); maybe champagne – you know the drill!
Do everything slow and patient. Slow and gentle foreplay don’t go straight for her nipples or clitoris nor rush to penetrate. Take your time with everything you do and be in the moment, slow your breath down. Slow soft touching, kissing and massages. Enjoy yourself and fully engage in the experience.
Consider the best positions for slow sex. Those more suited to fast paced banging away are not welcome here. Think missionary and spooning. Throw in some slow long strokes with your tongue for a little tease and then back to slow sex….play with this for awhile you may find teasing is very welcomed and in lost of cases can make her so hot with more desire.
I read the following quote the other day which got me started on the idea for this blog “Slow sex is, without a doubt, the best sex”.
I would have to agree with that statement. That is not to say you should abandon “wham bam” as there is most certainly a place for such, however by taking more time for intimacy with your partner and prioritising a date night and slowing things right down…. I assure you, most likely the reward will far outweigh the effort.
In all my years of coaching one of the things I commonly hear from men is ‘well Ive just learnt how to do things mainly through porn’ As we all know, slow sex is probably not the most popular category if one at all on most porn sites. I have a great passion to help men as unlike women who usually will confide in their girlfriends, they don’t have anyone to confide in and don’t want to feel demasculated . So, if you feel you may need some guidance and some sex coaching, I would love to hear from you.